I am rewriting a pivotal moment for the protagonist in The Holy Shuriken. I have to justify her making an extreme decision. The build-up is all there, and the action, when executed, is pretty satisfying. But it’s lacking interiority. I reached the plot point, but I didn’t earn it.
Anyway, here’s a fun sentence I deleted on the pathway to the heart of the story:
“Like a good student who brings cake into school on her birthday, Renee had plenty of justice for everyone.”
That sentence is gone. It’s not good enough. At least, not where I was going to put it. Maybe it will come back.
Sometimes, I resuscitate my darlings.
Phil Gross, Game Designer 